Being in a mixed school environment presents unique challenges, especially when it comes to interactions like handshakes with the opposite gender. You may wonder, “How do I politely reject a handshake from women while staying true to my beliefs?” Here’s a practical approach:
When someone offers their hand for a shake, take a small step back, place your hand on your chest, and greet them warmly with a smile: “Hi, good morning!” This polite gesture establishes your boundaries without creating unnecessary awkwardness. By maintaining this respectful distance, you communicate that you’re firm in your beliefs, values, and yet courteous.
But what if they’re offended? Who Cares? That’s okay. Your concern should not be their fleeting emotions but Allah’s eternal pleasure. As the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
“It is better for one to be pierced in the head with an iron needle than to touch someone of the opposite gender who is not lawful for them.”
Let this powerful reminder strengthen your resolve. The temporary discomfort of standing firm pales in comparison to the consequences in the Hereafter. Remember what awaits you in hell.
Avoiding mixed settings where possible also makes it easier to uphold these boundaries. The more you try to not get involved in mixed gathering or meeting, the better you find it easier for you to avoid such situations.
It is impermissible for a man who believes in Allah and His Messenger to shake hands with a woman who is not his Mahram or lawful for him. Engaging in such an act constitutes a transgression against himself, falling into sin.
Why Islam prohibit handshake?
It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yasaar said: the messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him said: “For one of you to be stabbed in the hand with a iron needle is better for him than that he should touch a woman who is not permissible for him”
Narrated by al-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer, 486. Shaykh al-Albaani said in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5045, that this hadeeth is saheeh.
This hadith alone is sufficient to deter and to instill the obedience required of us by Allah, because it implies that touching a woman may lead to temptation and immorality.
When hands touch, feelings are often stirred for most people. It’s not about being a pervert, overly sexual, or having inappropriate intentions—it’s simply human nature and biology at work. A handshake today, repeated tomorrow and in the days to come, one way or the other can gradually spark emotions that grow over time, potentially leading to actions that are inappropriate or sinful.
Undoubtedly, physical contact between a man and a non-Mahram woman is a significant trigger for fitnah (temptation), stirring desires, and provoking actions that go against what is permissible in Islam.
No one should say that their intention is pure or their heart is sound, because the one who has the purest heart and the most chaste of all never touched a non-mahram woman, even when accepting Bay`ah (oath of allegiance) from women. He did not hold their hands when accepting their Bay`ah, as he did with men; their Bay`ah was by words only as was reported by his wife `Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her).
(Narrated by Muslim, 1866)
Some Muslims feel too shy or embarrassed to refuse a handshake when a woman offers her hand. In environments like schools, universities, workplaces, or business meetings, they may claim they are compelled to shake hands with female peers, teachers, or colleagues. However, this is not a valid excuse in Islam.
A Muslim must rise above such feelings and resist the whispers of Shaytan, standing firm in their faith. As the Prophet (peace be upon him) reminded us, “Allah is not ashamed of the truth.”
Sahih Muslim (313).
Politely decline the handshake and explain with kindness that your refusal is not meant to offend or hurt anyone’s feelings but is simply an act of adherence to the teachings of Islam. More often than not, this approach will earn you respect from others.
If some find your action unusual or strange, don’t be discouraged—it’s a chance to demonstrate your faith and even an opportunity for Daa’wah by explaining the beauty and principles of Islam through your actions.
Abdullah Ismail At-Torbary
Campus Dawah Article Team, OAU.
What a beautiful piece! 💫
Barakallahu feekum.
Nice job sir
May Almighty Allah reward you abundantly